Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
