Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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