Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My bed smells like the plague
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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