Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
