so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
