"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
