Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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