My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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