look no pants
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
