We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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