I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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