I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
