after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize