today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
