Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
