Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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