I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
