Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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