My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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