biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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