Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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