If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
