And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
