By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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