i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
