Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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