he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
