We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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