If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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