I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize