I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
