She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
