I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
