dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
