words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
