I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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