1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
