I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
