Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.