Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.