my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups