thus making me awesome and them whores
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola