Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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