I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
