So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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