How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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