Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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