I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
