Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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