All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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