All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You pole danced in your parka.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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