All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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