a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
