I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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