So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So vagazzling was a success
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
