He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
