Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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