It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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