I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
