Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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