And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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