she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
