dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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