You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
